Today’s wisdom comes from the desk of Kelsey Small. By way of Connecticut and Chicago, Kelsey is the latest transplant to Austin of Texas. Enjoy and pass this along as you plan your summer concert series.


Alright folks, welcome to 2013. We have made it through the apocalypse and we are steadily moving into one of my favorite times of the year: festival-lineup-announcements-season! January is historically the time when festival after festival will drop their lineups while bloggers, attendees, and random internet peeps criticize each one for selling out.

2013’s announcements are especially exciting because we will continue to see the growing domination of Electronic Dance Movement(EDM), and I would not be surprised to see major dj’s like Calvin Harris or Skrillex getting headlining spots at some rock fests. To all the bros who have been living under a rock the past three years, house (the music, not the show) rules the nation. I’d get used to it too because it seems to be only getting bigger. Whether that’s a good or a bad thing for the genre (or the kids brain cells) is not my concern.

I am writing this article as a guide to all the house concert virgins in the world. Instead of going to see The Black Keys play the same festival for the tenth year in a row, hit up the dj tent. Try it out. At it’s roots, house music is a celebration of life. Nervous? Scared the bass drum might crack your rib cage? Don’t be. To help, here are some tips to keep you in beat.
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This picture received 70 billion likes on Instagram.


1. Wear whatever you like This is a rave dude, join in the fun! Everybody always loves the guy dressed in the penguin or banana suit. If you still haven’t found a reason to throw on that dashiki you bought in the Phish parking lot, seize this opportunity! Raves are a place to express yourself. If you like to boogie in a button down and jeans, do you boo boo. Wear whatever you are comfortable in. Whether it’s a spiritual connection to the music, a way of bonding with friends, or just an excuse to dance your ass off until the sunrise, house music is there to fulfill your needs. House is a body thing, it’s a soul thing. That being said…


2. No Body Paint I know all the girls in the Tri-Delta house are planning on painting their entire bodies, but remember, you are not a Tri-Delt. You’re a fucking man, and men do not cover their bodies with glow in the dark paint. Period.


3. This ain’t a mosh pit We get it. You’re at your first rave and the dj just dropped your FAVORITE trap edit of that Skrillex remix of the one Avicii song you were DYING to hear. Calm the fuck down, take a deep breath, and dance in your space. No need to start slamming into everyone within a 10 feet radius because that drop was super dope. Respect your fellow raver and your fellow raver will respect you. If you go around slamming into dudes and knock over some muscleheads drink you may be forced to lick it up.


Sticking it to the man!!


4. Don’t Be Afraid to Get Weird I’ve mentioned before that raves are about expressing yourself, and I mean it. If you want to take some MDMA and rub Britney’s fur coat for six hours, be my guest. When the clock hits midnight and Justice drops War’s “Why Can’t We Be Friends,” don’t be afraid of the sweaty fat dude who’s going in for the real thing, take it all in. If three large men invite you to the bathroom to blow lines of the “best coke they’ve ever had,” I’d probably take a pass. There are a large amount of sketch balls at these events, but the good people out number them ten fold.


5. Dance! Smile! Love! Embrace Life! This is the most important advice I can give a virgin raver. Don’t be shy, and please don’t be the dude with his arms crossed for the entire seven hour show. House music is made for you to let loose! Dance your ass off. Sweat through whatever shirt or gorilla costume you chose to wear. When the show is over and they flip the lights on at four in the morning, hug the people you came with, because this about making friends through the love of music. I cannot stress that enough. House is love.


Now that we know what House music is, head to THIS SPOTIFY PLAYLIST that Kelsey made for us to experience it for yourself. Happy Raving. Or something like that.


Here’s a picture of something that happens at raves apparently.